Discipline

I started out strong...er. I was planning on (and basically was) practicing my monologues ever other day. I had found a bunch that were still age appropriate and so I began re-memorizing them.

And I did.

I began to remember what the pieces were like and I picked a new Shakespearean piece to add to my repertoire (Look, Ma, I'm a grown up now!).

But have I broken that new monologue down and begun my analysis? No. I haven't finished the play it comes from yet, so therefore can't work on the monologue itself. (This is how I work. Don't question it.)

As for those older pieces I was reacquainting myself with? Well, I have them both re-memorized and am feeling good about them.

I am not, however, practicing them weekly.

Fear has crept back into my discipline and eroded its stability. I think to myself, "I wont be able to audition the second I arrive in Chicago anyway...I need updated headshots first."*

* - There is a sub-excuse to this excuse of "I can't get my headshots until my hair grows out."

There's excuse #1. 

"One excuse not good enough for you, Ms. Disciplined Actor? Well then, here's some more," Fear tells me.

#2: You should get some connections in the area first by taking classes with the "right" people (if you can find them that is).

#3: You should get a job first and then focus on auditioning. Otherwise you wont have the money to pay for all those headshots and acting classes you're using for the other excuses.

I'm sure I (and Fear) could come up with some more reasons for not working on my craft regularly, but that's enough for now. Any more and I may have a panic attack.

So I have excuses now and I can come up with some other good ones for the future when 1-3 are no longer valid. Thinking this way has definitely made me understand why so many people forget about whatever dreams they have when emerging from school. It's hard work. Scary work.

I don't have any answers about how to overcome these excuses, but I'll keep trying. I guilt myself...it's one way to be disciplined (hey, it works for fitness!). I don't suggest it to anyone though and will one day grow out of that habit.

For now, all I can do is admit I'm slacking and pull my shit together. It's going to take some time, but it's got to happen at some point.

Why not now?